And who is looking out for you?

Imagine: a painful silence falls during a meeting about a messy, last-minute project. Everyone stares at their coffee cup. And who breaks the silence after ten seconds with a sigh? "Never mind, I'll sort it out." There is a good chance it's you. You see what needs to be done faster than the rest and solve it silently. Great for your colleagues, but by the end of the week, you are often completely drained. Because whoever spends all day solving other people's problems forgets one crucial person: themselves.

As a coach, I often see this pattern in introverted, gifted, and neurodivergent professionals. They take on too much, but hate asking for help. People often think this is due to stubbornness or perfectionism. But that's not true. It actually has everything to do with how the brain works. How exactly? Let's take a look under the hood.

You solve it in your own head (introversion)

To understand why you often do too much, we first need to look at how you process stimuli. Introverts have a brain that is naturally very active. A bright light, a busy open-plan office, or a sighing colleague; you pick up on all of it.

Because you pick up so much, you get overstimulated more quickly. How do you deal with that? You resolve it internally. Where a busy, extroverted person might sigh, groan, or complain at the coffee machine, you close the door in your mind. You fight the stress in silence. On the outside, you stay calm and just keep working.

The downside of this? The outside world sees someone who has everything perfectly under control. No one offers you help, simply because you don't look like you need it.

You see the problems first (giftedness)

Are you gifted? Then there is another layer to it. You oversee things at lightning speed. While your colleagues are still thinking about step one, you already see where step ten is going to go completely wrong. You also often have a very strong sense of what is fair and what needs to be done.

Because you see the errors so clearly, you automatically feel responsible to do something about it. After all, you also know how to solve it. Your environment gets used to this very quickly. People lean back and think: "Oh, they'll just fix that." Because you are so good at everything, you fall into your own trap. People forget that pulling the heavy load is just as heavy for you.

Asking for help costs more energy than doing it yourself

To many people, 'asking for help' sounds like a good thing. But if you have a very fast and complex brain, it feels completely different. Asking for help isn't a relief; it's a massive project. Why?

Imagine you are tired and want to hand over a task. First, you have to figure out exactly what you need. Next, you have to translate all your fast thoughts into simple, logical steps for your colleague. And after that, you have to hand over the task and just hope the other person does it well (and not in a way that annoys you again).

This whole process of explaining and checking often costs much more energy than simply finishing the task yourself quickly. So, solving everything yourself isn't stubbornness; it's a way to keep your brain's battery from draining completely.

Playing a part

If you spend all day sensing the atmosphere, solving problems for others, and trying not to show that you are actually tired, then you are masking. You are essentially wearing an invisible mask all day to make things easy for everyone else.

For your brain and body, this is top-level sport. You are constantly producing a little bit of stress hormone. What once started as a beautiful trait ends up in a body that is completely exhausted and worn out.

So, what's the alternative?

You don't have to suddenly pretend to be someone else. You are smart, you are caring, and you are good at what you do. But you are allowed to learn that you are not the only person in the world who has to solve things. People aren't made to do everything alone. We need each other to stay calm and do our jobs well.

Are you always the person who jumps up first to solve a problem? Then start tomorrow with one small thing. Choose one task or one question that you purposely do not solve. Let the silence in a meeting last for once. Just see what happens if you don't step in. Often, someone else will automatically step up.

And finally, a tip for anyone who works or lives with such an ultimate 'fixer': don't wait for them to ask for help. Don't ask: "Can I help you with anything?" (because then they have to think again). Just take something off their hands. Say: "I see you're busy, I'm going to take this task over from you now." That is exactly the lifeline they often need.