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Last year I became a mother for the first time. As an introvert, this brings new challenges. It is suddenly even more difficult to have time for yourself and you are always on. Blogger and author Shirley Visser gives a number of useful tips for introverted mothers in her Dutch book De introverte moeder (The Introverted Mother). I asked her to share a few.
How did you come up with the idea for a book about introverted mothers?
"I regularly wrote about the combination of introversion and motherhood, and I soon knew: more needs to be told about this. After all, everyone puts the obligations of parenthood first, their own needs simply come second place. Especially for introverts there is sometimes a big difference between those two things and it is important not to completely put your own needs aside. It's your job to keep that introverted side of yourself happy and satisfied. With a charged battery you function better and you become a nicer parent for your child(ren)."
What's it like for you as an introverted mom?
"Although motherhood is sometimes quite difficult, it is of course still the most beautiful thing there is. It is just a matter of finding what works best for you. I went looking for the right balance, to find and take enough time to recharge and be a good mother. Because we like to spend time with the kids, but we also need a lot of time alone. And there's nothing wrong with that."
What are the biggest challenges faced by introverted moms?
"You desperately want to be with your children, while you also need time alone. This constant conflict makes you sometimes feel that you are not suitable for motherhood, while you love your children intensely. You're not just hard on yourself, but the outside world also doesn't always understand you.
Not to mention the sleepless nights that should be your charging time, the play dates during primary school, too many toys with too much noise and the indoor playgrounds where children are overjoyed and where you want to cry because you're overstimulated."
What is the power of introverted mothers?
"Introverts are excellent observers. We often take a seat in a corner of the room so that we have an overview: we don't miss anything. You can use this observation skill well at home. You see a lot happening with your children. They sometimes say that mothers have eyes in the back of their heads and as an introvert, that radar is extra strong.
Introverts are also good at listening. How nice is that for children, knowing that they can always tell their story and then receive good advice."
What tip would you give to introverted moms?
"I can already tell you: it is certainly not always possible to take your own needs into account. Children are children: they need you, they will always keep asking things and even if you go to the toilet, they like to watch your activity. Make sure that you continue to recognize your own needs so that you don't become overstimulated. That means setting boundaries, making choices and continuously trying to work on your energy level, every day."
