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You may recognize the feeling: a disagreement or an unpleasant situation arises, and you notice that you would rather stay silent than face the confrontation. Maybe you're afraid the conflict will get out of hand, or you just want to maintain the peace. But this can lead to bottling up your frustrations and eventually exploding, while the other person might not even realize there's a problem. How do you solve this so that you can still set your boundaries?
Avoidant behavior is common among introverts. It can stem from a natural need for harmony and a tendency to thoroughly reflect on situations. Through this overthinking, a conflict can quickly seem big or complicated, making it feel easier to simply avoid it. Additionally, the fear of being misunderstood or overwhelmed by intense emotions can make you prefer to stay quiet.
However, avoiding conflicts rarely offers a solution. The underlying tension remains, and there's a good chance the issue will return in a different form later on. That's why it's important to find a way to handle conflicts calmly and constructively, without losing sight of yourself in the process.
Connection
One way to do this is through nonviolent communication, which focuses on understanding and empathy. It teaches you to express your feelings and needs in an honest and respectful way, without turning it into a confrontation. For introverts, this is a valuable approach because it allows you to calmly and structuredly express what’s bothering you without fearing a heated discussion.
A key part of nonviolent communication is expressing your feelings in a way that doesn’t attack the other person. This starts with asking yourself what you truly feel and need. For example, if a colleague constantly crosses your boundaries, instead of getting angry, you could say, “I find it difficult when deadlines aren’t respected because it causes me stress. Can we look at a better way to handle this together?”
By communicating in this way, you give the other person a chance to understand your perspective without causing a conflict. Moreover, this way, you stay in control of the situation, which can help you feel more confident and balanced as an introvert.
Practice
It can be daunting to approach conversations in this way, especially if you're used to avoiding conflicts. So start small. For example, in a situation where you feel uncomfortable, try not to fall silent right away but calmly express what you’re experiencing. This might feel awkward at first, but as you practice, it will become easier to articulate your feelings and needs.
Do you find it difficult to handle conflicts or express your feelings clearly? I’d love to help you with practical tools and insights that suit your personality. Feel free to contact me for a no-obligation introductory conversation.
