Do you dare to let go?

In difficult situations, you can sometimes be overwhelmed by what's happening around you. You may feel powerless and it may seem like there is no solution in sight. However, the real solution often lies in taking control of your own thoughts. Focus on what you can influence and let go of everything else. It will give you more energy and more possibilities.

A useful model that can help you with this is the Circle of Influence and Concern. This model by Stephen Covey comes from the book The 7 Attributes of Effective Leadership. In short, the model is about the choice between paying attention to things that you feel involved in, but that you cannot do anything about and paying attention to things that you can influence.

The largest circle within the model is the Circle of Concern: all the things you care about in your life. In that circle you will find a smaller circle, the so-called Circle of Influence. It contains all the things that you as an individual can do something about. For example, you may be concerned that the coronavirus has spread worldwide, but as an individual you have limited influence on that. What you have more influence on is the chance that people in your area will get sick. By staying indoors you can limit that chance considerably.

Victim
The more you focus on things that you feel involved in but have no influence on, the smaller your Circle of Influence becomes. As a result, you lose energy, you show more and more reactive behavior and you feel like a victim. Your Circle of Concern grows and your Circle of Influence shrinks. You can even become convinced that you don't actually have a Circle of Influence.

The more you focus on things that you can influence, the larger your Circle of Influence will become. As a result, you'll get more energy, you'll show proactive behavior and you will increasingly be looking for opportunities. Your Circle of Influence grows and pushes your Circle of Engagement further and further away.

It requires some extra attention in the beginning, but you will see that this thought exercise can eventually become a habit. This makes it easier to deal with difficult situations and you will be able to spend your energy on what you can influence, rather than on what you cannot change.