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About the author
- Karolien Koolhof is a coach voor introverts and gifted individuals
- Author of the book Introvert Leadership
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introvert introversie vakantie smalltalk
Finding Peace in a Social Vacation Setting
Karolien Koolhof •
You know the feeling. You’ve just settled down under a tree with a book, trying to unwind after the journey. And then someone walks by: “Nice weather, huh? Where are you from?” You smile politely, close your book, and you already sense it: this is going to be one of those endless conversations about nothing. And all you really wanted was a moment to just be.
For many introverts, small talk isn’t exactly enjoyable. Especially not on holiday, where the atmosphere is often social and open. Think of campsites, group activities, or long communal breakfast tables. It can feel like you constantly need to be ‘on,’ while your system is actually crying out for calm.
Why is this hard?
There’s been quite a bit of research on this. Introverts process stimuli more deeply than extroverts. That goes for social input as well: a quick chat about the weather or the campsite shop isn’t “light contact” for an introverted brain—it’s still something to analyze. What does the other person mean? How do I come across? What should I say?
Introverts also tend to crave depth. Conversations about meaning, emotions, books, ideas—that’s what energizes them. But in a setting where you’ve just met someone and social norms call for surface-level interaction, those kinds of conversations can feel “out of place.” And so an inner conflict arises: you long for connection, just not this kind.
Know your boundary
Do you find yourself getting irritated by shallow chit-chat? Or socially drained after a morning of neighborly contact at the campsite? That’s not weakness—it’s your system sending a signal. You don’t have to participate in everything. You get to choose when you’re available for interaction.
Sunglasses on your nose, a book in your hand, a little walk to the restroom—these are all ways to briefly step out of contact without being rude. Taking a break from being socially “open” helps you recharge. Don’t think you need to be constantly available just because it’s “vacation.”
Building bridges
Small talk doesn’t have to be an end in itself. You can use it as a bridge to a slightly more meaningful conversation. For example: “We’re from Utrecht, yeah. We really needed some peace and quiet. Do you ever feel that too, that need to escape the noise for a while?” Or: “Yes, the weather’s great! I notice I feel much more grounded when the sun’s out. Do you get that too?”
It doesn’t have to be grand or deep. Just a small comment about what’s really on your mind can be enough to steer the conversation in a different direction. And if the other person doesn’t follow? That tells you something too.
And remember: you don’t need to connect with everyone. Maybe there’s that one neighbor who’s a bit more quiet. Or that couple who often sit and read together. Look for people who give you space to be yourself. And feel free to be warm but brief with others.
Let it go
Sometimes, you feel even more drained after one of those conversations. That’s okay. It doesn’t say anything about you. Not every interaction has to be meaningful—and that’s allowed. As an introvert, you’re often looking for authenticity and depth. But you won’t always find that in the first chat next to the laundry line. Maybe later, once the ice has thawed a little.
There’s no “right” way to spend your holiday. The neighbor who chats all day, and you who prefer to quietly watch the trees—you both belong. Even in this socially oriented summer setting, you’re allowed to choose what suits you.
And who knows… sometimes one of those obligatory small talk moments turns into an unexpected connection. Because someone says something that touches you. Or because you realize you’re not the only one who’d rather talk about life than the weather.
Until then: bring your book, put on your sunglasses, and smile if you want. But feel no pressure to engage.
