The summer comparison trap

Summer is the season of the perfect picture. You scroll through your phone and see one after another: far-flung trips and radiant families on the beach, spontaneous drinks in the sun. And without noticing it, a question creeps in. Am I actually doing enough? Is my summer special enough? Before you know it, your own quiet holiday at home feels like falling short.

Comparing yourself to others is not a weakness, it is how people are wired. The psychologist Leon Festinger described back in 1954 that we assess ourselves by comparing with others, especially when we have no objective yardstick for how we are doing. And how your summer is "supposed" to be is exactly that kind of question without an objective answer. Lacking a measuring stick, you reach for the people around you.

The problem is the direction in which we look on social media. What you see in your feed is a carefully curated selection of other people's highlights, and so you almost always compare upward, with people who seem to have it better than you at that moment. That kind of upward comparison can occasionally motivate, but more often it produces something else: envy, or the feeling of lagging behind. You set your own ordinary Tuesday next to someone else's holiday photo, and that comparison you always lose.

That comparison also bites harder when you hang your self-worth on the area being compared. Research by the psychologists Crocker and Wolfe showed that our sense of self-worth moves along with how well we are doing in the areas to which we have tied our value. If an adventurous, full life is an important part of your identity, then a summer that doesn't live up to it affects you more deeply than if it doesn't mean that much to you.

Nuance helps

Now it is tempting to conclude that social media ruins your summer, but it isn't that simple. Research on social media and well-being mostly shows small and highly variable effects that differ from person to person and from situation to situation. What does come through fairly consistently is that passive scrolling, only looking at what others are doing, is less favourable than active use in which you have contact yourself. So it isn't the medium itself, but the way you use it that makes the difference.

That also gives you a foothold straight away. You don't have to throw your phone away to stay out of the comparison trap. It already helps to be aware of what is happening while you scroll, and to notice when looking turns into measuring. The moment you catch yourself comparing, you can remind yourself that you are placing someone else's highlight next to your ordinary day.

Your own measure

In the end, the best counter-move is to return to your own yardstick. The question is not whether your summer is more impressive than someone else's, but whether it is good for you. A quiet summer at home, with time for the things and people dear to you, can be exactly enough. Whether it is, you decide, and no feed can fill that in for you.

The summer comparison trap

Nuance helps

Your own measure

About the author

Giftedness often doesn't feel like a gift