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Introverts and gifted individuals often have a highly developed sense for the needs and expectations of others. They can effortlessly sense what is happening in a room, what someone needs, and how they can best adapt to the situation. This can be a wonderful trait, but it also comes with a pitfall: constantly adjusting to the outside world can cause them to lose themselves. Because if you always respond to what others want, when do you take the time to consider what you actually want?
There are roughly two reasons why introverts and gifted individuals tend to adapt strongly. First, they have a high degree of empathy and social sensitivity. They keenly sense what others need and want to maintain harmony. Additionally, the feeling of being different often plays a role. From experiences in their childhood or work, they may have developed the idea that they do not “fit in” and therefore conform to the norm. Both reasons stem from a deep-seated desire to maintain connection and avoid rejection. However, in the long run, this can lead to stress, exhaustion, and a disconnection from their own needs.
How do you break this pattern? First and foremost, it is important to ask yourself more often: what do I want? Train yourself to turn inward before making any decision. Not: “What does the other person expect?” but: “What feels right for me?” Additionally, it helps to take the time to feel. If you are used to immediately responding to others' needs, it may help to consciously take a pause. For example, say: “I’ll get back to you on that” or “I need to think about it.”
Small no
Another effective way is to practice small ‘no’s.’ Setting boundaries does not have to be grand or dramatic. Start small: say “no” to a request you do not feel like fulfilling, or consciously choose something that you enjoy. It can also help to write down your own wishes. Make a list of things that are important to you, things that energize you. This helps you gain clarity on what truly holds value for you.
Furthermore, it is valuable to surround yourself with people who truly understand you. Seek out like-minded individuals who do not find you strange but appreciate you for who you are. This helps normalize and accept the feeling of being different. Be kind to yourself as well. Adapting is a deeply ingrained pattern and has also brought you many benefits. It is okay if you sometimes fall back into old habits. Awareness is already a huge step.
By regularly reflecting on your own needs and desires, it becomes increasingly easier to make choices that align with you. And who knows? You might just discover that others still appreciate you—precisely because you dare to be yourself.