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Yesterday, I was at the sauna, enjoying the warmth and silence. While I was sitting there, I noticed how few people were there alone. Almost everyone had company: friends, couples, even colleagues. It got me thinking: why do we find being alone so uncomfortable? And what are we missing out on if we never try it?
In our society, being alone seems to carry a negative connotation. Apart from loneliness, we don’t even have a decent word for it. That it’s incredibly beneficial for sensitive individuals, such as introverts and highly gifted people, is well known. But even the more extroverted among us can benefit from it. However, that’s something you rarely hear about. Fortunately, a number of excellent books have been written on the subject.
In the book Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone by Netta Weinstein, Heather Hansen, and Thuy-vy T. Nguyen (2024), the authors explain that being alone is not only good for your mind but also for your body. One of their main points is how taking time for yourself can lower your stress hormone cortisol.
Cortisol is essential for regulating stress, but constantly having too much of it can cause significant problems: think fatigue, overthinking, or even physical complaints. Simply spending some time alone, without your phone or other distractions, helps restore your cortisol levels to balance. Activities like going for a walk, meditating, or relaxing in the sauna can amplify this effect.
Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lonely, by the way. It’s about creating space for yourself, without the influence of others. In those moments of quiet, you often gain new insights, spark creative ideas, or just feel more like yourself again.
Rare Opportunity
In his book Solitude: In Pursuit of a Singular Life in a Crowded World, Michael Harris emphasizes that in our constantly connected society, true solitude has become a rarity. He argues that the constant stream of notifications and updates undermines our ability to be alone, which is essential for self-reflection and creativity.
Harris warns that this endless distraction prevents us from thinking deeply and truly getting to know ourselves. He advocates for deliberately incorporating moments of silence and seclusion into our daily lives. This refreshes our minds and even helps strengthen our relationships with others.
Distrust
In the past, being alone was often viewed with suspicion. People who chose solitude or lived alone were sometimes labeled as witches, heretics, or hermits. They were distrusted because they didn’t conform to social norms. That old stigma might be why some people still find being alone uncomfortable. But in reality, it’s simply a form of self-care.
In Weinstein and her colleagues' book, they describe four types of solitude, each with its own benefits. The first is complete withdrawal, where you fully disconnect from the outside world to recharge. The second is private solitude, where you spend a shorter period alone in a place where you feel safe and comfortable. The third form is partners-in-solitude: being with someone without the need to talk or engage in shared activities. Finally, there’s the public version of solitude, where you’re alone in the midst of others, like in a café or park. All are valuable ways to take time for yourself.
A Gift
We often avoid being alone, perhaps because we’re afraid of what we might feel when it gets quiet, or because we think others will find it strange. But what if you just tried it? Think of it as a gift to yourself.
Take a moment to reflect: when was the last time you were truly alone – without your phone, without distractions, just you and your thoughts? This week, make a conscious effort to plan a moment for yourself. Go somewhere alone, take a walk, or play your favorite music and do nothing else. See what it does for you. You might discover how wonderful it is to simply be alone for a while.