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Last week, I was interviewed on the radio. It was a great opportunity, I thought. And yet, despite being well-prepared, I noticed something creeping in. An old, persistent voice in my head saying: “You have to get it right the first time.” No slip-ups, no hesitations, no room for doubt. As if I had only one chance to prove my worth.
It wasn’t the first time I encountered that belief. And it wasn’t the first time I thought: this feels heavier than it needs to be. So where does that pressure actually come from? And why do so many introverts feel this tension?
Many of my clients recognize this pattern. They want to be careful, come across well, and avoid making mistakes. Their strengths—deep thinking, precise wording, attention to detail—suddenly become their stumbling blocks. Because if you only dare to speak once every word is perfectly formed in your mind, the pressure to perform can become paralyzing. Especially in situations that require speed, spontaneity, and improvisation—like a live interview, a meeting, or a presentation.
Evaluation
In psychology, introversion is often described as a personality trait where people direct their attention inward. They recharge through calm, reflection, and depth (Jung, 1921; Laney, 2002). This also means they are more sensitive to external stimuli, including social evaluation. Research shows that introverts react more strongly to evaluative situations, such as public speaking (Eysenck, 1967; Grice et al., 2013). The combination of a vivid inner world and a sensitive radar for criticism often causes mistakes to be perceived not as learning moments, but as proof of inadequacy.
There’s more. According to Carol Dweck (2006), the way you think about ability and performance greatly affects how you deal with mistakes. People with a so-called fixed mindset believe their qualities are static: you're either smart or you're not. Many highly intelligent or introverted individuals have been told from a young age that they’re “smart” or “gifted,” which can—often unintentionally—make them more vulnerable to performance pressure. Because if you’re smart, then surely you should get it right the first time?
The spotlight
Another factor is the so-called spotlight bias: the tendency to overestimate how much others notice us (Gilovich, Medvec & Savitsky, 2000). Where someone else forgets your slip of the tongue in seconds, it can linger in your own head for hours. As an introvert, you’re naturally inclined to reflect, so when something “goes wrong,” the mental replay begins. And if that happens often enough, the bar keeps rising—until you no longer allow yourself to make mistakes. Everything must be perfect. Immediately.
But the real freedom lies in recognizing that belief for what it is. In realizing that it’s okay to learn while you speak. That your worth is not dependent on perfection. That silence, thoughtfulness, and even a small mistake can create space for authenticity—and that’s exactly what others connect with.
Calm
In the end, that radio moment wasn’t a flawless performance. There were sentences I might have phrased differently, questions I wish I had used more effectively. But when I listened back, what I heard most was calm. Focus. And something genuine. And that was more than enough.
Do you recognize the pressure to get things right the first time? Do you find yourself overthinking every move just to avoid mistakes or surprises? If so, know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. If you’d like to explore how to show up more confidently and authentically as an introvert—in a way that truly fits you—I warmly invite you to get in touch. Because sometimes, growth begins with giving yourself permission not to be perfect.