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"She’s so quiet in meetings, she should really take an assertiveness course." It’s a comment I often hear from managers, HR professionals, or colleagues. And to be honest? It makes me cringe a little. Because while it’s great to support people in their personal development, this kind of remark reinforces a persistent misconception: that introversion and a lack of assertiveness are the same thing. When in fact, they have little to do with each other.
Introversion is a personality trait linked to your natural preferences. Introverts tend to focus their attention inward and recharge through calm, reflection, and depth. That doesn’t automatically make them shy, insecure, or submissive. Those are traits more commonly associated with non-assertive behavior—but they’re not the same as being introverted. Research shows that introversion and assertiveness are separate dimensions of personality (Wilt & Revelle, 2009). So yes, you can absolutely be quiet and thoughtful, and still speak up for yourself and set clear boundaries.
Yet introverted people are often encouraged to be more ‘visible’, to speak up more often, or to respond more quickly. And while there’s nothing wrong with that if it’s someone’s own goal, it becomes problematic when it stems from a mistaken belief about what ‘normal’ or ‘professional’ behavior should look like. That kind of pressure risks pushing someone away from their natural strengths.
Your way
Assertiveness is about standing up for your own needs, wishes, and boundaries—without overpowering the other person. But many assertiveness trainings are built around an extraverted communication style: quick responses, self-promotion, or making your point loudly in a group. That simply doesn’t work for everyone—especially not for most introverts. Introverts often need more time to process their thoughts, prefer deep conversations over fast-paced discussions, and thrive in calm environments.
Fortunately, there’s another way. Introverted assertiveness does exist—and it’s often even more powerful, precisely because it’s authentic. It starts with self-awareness: knowing what you need, where your boundaries lie, and what you want to contribute. Then comes the practice of expressing those things in a way that feels natural to you. Maybe you prefer sending a short email rather than speaking up spontaneously in a meeting. Or perhaps you’re more comfortable having a one-on-one conversation than asserting yourself in a group.
Without raising your voice
What helps is having language ready that you can use when you want to respond. Phrases like:
"I see it differently—can I share my perspective?"
"I’ve thought about it and would like to add something after all."
"I find it easier to explain this in writing."
That is assertiveness. No shouting, no power plays—just clear communication from a place of calm and self-confidence.
Have you ever been sent to an assertiveness course just because you’re introverted? Or felt like you had to change who you are in order to appear more ‘professional’? Then know this: you don’t have to be extraverted to set boundaries or make your voice heard. In fact, the more you stay true to your natural style, the stronger your presence will be.