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Loneliness is a sensitive topic for many people to talk about. Especially for introverts, who are often seen as people who enjoy being alone. The outside world sometimes assumes they have no need for company at all — that they're happiest when always on their own. But that image is misleading. Introverts also have a need for connection; it just looks different from that of extroverts.
In a study published in Personality and Individual Differences (2021), researchers found that introverts generally engage in fewer social interactions, but their need for meaningful relationships is just as strong as that of extroverts. The difference lies not in the need itself, but in how that need is fulfilled.
Where extroverts often thrive in large groups or quick exchanges, introverts tend to seek depth, authenticity, and emotional safety in their interactions. And when that kind of contact is missing — or absent for a long time — a quiet kind of loneliness can creep in. Not the loud, obvious kind, but the subtle one that slowly settles under your skin.
Your way
The tricky part is that many social environments aren't designed with introverts in mind. Open-plan offices, networking events, group activities — they often demand a lot of energy and offer little genuine connection in return. As a result, introverts may start avoiding contact, even when they deeply long for it. So the challenge becomes: how do you build connection, without forcing yourself into situations that drain you?
A first step is giving yourself permission to want connection. Many introverts are so used to the idea that they're “fine alone,” that they stop taking their need for connection seriously. But you need others too. Not a lot — but the right ones. So choose intentionally: who are the people you feel safe with, where you don’t have to wear a social mask? Who can you talk to about things that really matter? That kind of connection doesn’t have to be daily, but it should be regular. A weekly phone call, a monthly walk, quiet coworking over distance — it all counts.
Signals
It also helps to become aware of your own social rhythm. When does contact energize you, and when does it drain you? What signals does your body give when it's too much — or not enough? If you learn to recognize those patterns, you can avoid getting out of balance. That might mean choosing to meet someone even when you feel like withdrawing. Or it might mean saying no to shallow busyness, because you want to keep space for real connection.
And remember: connection doesn’t always come through words. Listening to music together, walking in silence, simply being near someone without needing to talk — those are all valid forms of contact. Introverts often find peace in those kinds of moments, where nothing has to happen, but something meaningful does happen.
By taking your social needs seriously and seeking connection on your own terms, you can soften the quiet emptiness. Not by becoming extroverted, but by staying true to what works for you.
Want to talk more about this? Feel free to reach out.
