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About the author
- Karolien Koolhof is a coach voor introverts and gifted individuals
- Author of the book Introvert Leadership
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What No One Tells You About Finding Your Calling
Karolien Koolhof •
It is often presented as if a calling is something you find. A moment. An insight. A clear knowing. As if one day you wake up and think: this is it. And from that moment on, everything makes sense. But for many people, it rarely works that way.
What no one tells you is that a calling often doesn’t appear as a loud signal, but as a recurring whisper. Something that keeps returning. In different forms, in different phases of your life. Sometimes clear, sometimes in the background. Sometimes ignored for years because it didn’t seem practical. Or sensible. Or easy to explain.
The story we usually hear is linear. You discover what you want, you choose it, you follow the path.
In reality, it is often messier. You do other things first. You choose security. You choose what seems logical. What fits expectations, your own or those of others. And that is not wrong. Sometimes you need to live first before you can feel what is truly yours.
Experience
Many people who choose again later look back and think: Shouldn’t I have done this earlier?
But that question misses something important. What you didn’t yet have back then was the experience. The context. The self-confidence. Or simply the space to listen.
A persistent misconception is that doubt means you are not on the right path, as if a calling should feel clear and effortless all the time.
In practice, I often see the opposite. People who think deeply tend to feel more doubt. Not because it isn’t right, but because they take it seriously. Because they see the consequences. Because they want to understand what they are doing, and why.
In that sense, doubt is not a blockage, but a sign of engagement.
The problem only arises when you believe you are not allowed to move until the doubt disappears.
Not an endpoint
Another thing that is rarely said: your calling is not a final destination. It is not a fixed identity you define once and for all. It is more like a direction. A way of looking. A theme that keeps returning. Sometimes in different work, sometimes in a different form. What starts as study becomes practice. What begins as something personal becomes professional. What starts as searching becomes something you carry.
That also means your calling is allowed to develop. You don’t need to see everything before you begin. And you don’t need to lock yourself into a single story.
Introverted people often have a strong inner compass, but are less accustomed to following it out loud. They feel deeply, think carefully, and need time to let things settle. That clashes with a world that expects quick decisions and clear answers.
As a result, introverted people often swing between two extremes: either they keep thinking and waiting too long, or they force a choice that makes rational sense but feels empty on the inside. Following a calling asks for something else. Not speeding up, but slowing down. Not convincing, but tuning in. Not choosing because it sounds logical, but because it resonates, even if it is still vague.
An extra layer
For gifted people, following a calling often comes with an extra layer. Not because they don’t feel it, but because they see more. More possibilities, more directions, more consequences. Where others recognize one path, a gifted mind often sees ten. That doesn’t make choosing easier, it makes it more complex.
In addition, many gifted people have learned to adapt to what seems logical, feasible, or sensible. They are good at systems, good at thinking ahead, good at making “good” choices. Sometimes so good that they lose sight of their deeper motivations along the way.
For gifted people, a calling therefore often becomes visible only when they stop searching for the best option and dare to listen to what keeps returning. Not what is most challenging, but what remains essential.
Not something grand
A calling does not have to be world-changing. It doesn’t have to define your entire identity. And it certainly doesn’t always have to feel light or enjoyable. Sometimes your calling lies in something small but essential: listening, deepening, connecting, understanding, guiding, exploring.
What these have in common is this: they keep coming back. Even when you ignore them. Even when you distance yourself from them. They move along quietly in the background, until you can no longer look away.
Perhaps your calling is not something you need to find, but something you slowly allow. Not through big leaps, but through honest steps. Not through certainty, but through trust.
And perhaps you don’t need to ask yourself whether you are doing it “right,” but simply: am I still listening to what keeps presenting itself? That is not a romantic story. But it is an honest one.
Would you like to talk further about this? Feel free to get in touch.