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About the author
- Karolien Koolhof is a coach voor introverts and gifted individuals
- Author of the book Introvert Leadership
- Contact
mindfulness overtuigingen ACT introvert hoogbegaafd
You are not your thoughts (although it feels like it)
Karolien Koolhof •
We often know it in theory: thoughts are not facts. Yet many people live as if they are. Especially when a thought has been repeating itself for years. At that point, it no longer feels like something you think, but like something you are. In my work, I encounter this very frequently, most often in the form of the belief: I am not good enough.
That sentence is rarely spoken out loud. More often, it runs underneath everything. It colours how someone looks at themselves, how cautious they are in their choices, how quickly they pull back or hold themselves in. Because the thought is so familiar, it is hardly ever questioned. It feels logical. True.
Thoughts, however, are mental events. They arise, pass, and are shaped by earlier experiences, expectations and context. Some thoughts linger longer than others, especially those that once served a purpose. The belief I am not good enough rarely comes out of nowhere. For many people, it was a way to adapt, to prevent mistakes, or to stay ahead of rejection. In that sense, it may once have helped to maintain a sense of control.
Identity
The problem arises when such a thought quietly becomes part of your identity. Then it is no longer a thought that passes through, but an explanation for who you are and what you can or cannot do. Anything that seems to confirm the belief is given extra weight. Contradictory evidence is more easily dismissed. This is how the pattern sustains itself.
What often does not help is trying to replace the thought immediately with something positive. For many people, that feels forced and actually triggers resistance. A more grounded first step is not change, but recognition: seeing that there is a difference between you and the thought that appears.
Distance
This can be very practical. When the thought I am not good enough comes up, you can name it internally: I am having the thought that I am not good enough. That may sound like a small detail, but the effect is significant. You move from fully merging with the thought to taking just a little distance from it. The thought is still there, but it is not you.
The goal is not to make this inner voice disappear. For most people, it will continue to return in one form or another. The difference lies in how much influence it has. You can learn to recognise that voice as a familiar pattern, rather than as the truth about who you are.
This does not require major inner work or optimistic slogans, but mainly attention and practice. Noticing again and again: this is a thought, not a definition. And it is often in that small shift that more space emerges than you might expect.