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About the author
- Karolien Koolhof is a coach voor introverts and gifted individuals
- Author of the book Introvert Leadership
- Contact
onderschatting introvert hoogbegaafd
When you’ve been underestimated your whole life
Karolien Koolhof •
In recent months, I’ve seen several clients who carry so much within them: sharp analyses, creativity, depth, a rich inner world. And yet, they are chronically underestimated. Every time I hear their stories, something inside me resonates. Because this is something that happened to me as well, years ago. Not because I lacked ability, but because I didn’t dare to take up space and therefore seemed far less visible than I truly was.
For years, I hesitated to step forward. I thought I had to be even better, know even more, achieve even more before I was allowed to speak. As an introverted gifted person (though I didn’t know that at the time), I processed information mostly internally. I saw connections, sensed undercurrents, and thought several steps ahead, but on the outside I appeared calm, modest, and accommodating. And that’s exactly when people start to underestimate you: not because you can do little, but because you show little.
How underestimation arises
Research shows that introverted and gifted individuals are often internal processors (e.g., Matthews, 2018). While others think out loud, they puzzle in silence. In environments that reward speed and extraversion, this quickly leads to misunderstanding: silence is mistaken for insecurity, calmness for lack of ambition, nuance for doubt. And if you experience that often enough, you may start to believe it yourself.
I see the same patterns in many clients that I once saw in myself: they know a lot, but doubt their own knowledge. They feel a lot, but wait until there is safety to express it. They can do a lot, but assume their abilities are “normal.” This creates a form of quiet underperformance, not because talent is missing, but because it isn’t visible. The outside world only sees the tip, never the richness beneath it.
A turning point
There is always a moment when something shifts. For me, it was the moment I began to recognize myself: in the way I think, in my sensitivity to nuance, in how easily I grasp concepts. I realized I wasn’t “too careful,” but that my way of being simply made me less visible to others. I see that same movement in many clients: recognition from within. That is the key.
You don’t have to suddenly become loud or dominant. Three small things already make a big difference. First, practice visible thinking: share a bit of your inner process out loud, so people see what lies behind your silence. Also name your way of working: explain that you process things internally, so silence isn’t interpreted as insecurity but as depth. And finally, find one safe space to think big: you need at least one environment where you can express everything you see and are capable of.
Being underestimated can keep you small, but it often says more about the environment than about you. What I’ve learned by now is this: you don’t have to become harder, you have to become more visibly yourself. Once you do that, things shift. Both within you and around you.