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About the author
- Karolien Koolhof is a coach voor introverts and gifted individuals
- Author of the book Introvert Leadership
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Kerst introversie hoogbegaafdheid
Why Silence Sometimes Is the Greatest Christmas Gift
Karolien Koolhof •
Christmas invites us to be together. To conversations, coziness, gathering around the table. And for many people, that is enjoyable. At the same time, Christmas is also a season of a lot: a lot of noise, a lot of impressions, a lot of expectations. For introverted and highly gifted people, this can be particularly intense.
That has nothing to do with being unsociable. Nor with a lack of involvement. It has everything to do with how their brain processes information.
A system that fills up quickly
Introversion is about sensory processing. Research has shown for decades that introverted people naturally have a higher level of internal activation. Their brain doesn’t only switch “on” when external stimuli appear — it often already is on. As a result, new information hits harder and is processed more deeply.
With giftedness, this is even more pronounced. Not only the amount of stimuli, but also their meaning is experienced more intensely. Conversations, atmosphere, interpersonal dynamics, memories — everything is taken in. That is a strength, but it also makes someone more vulnerable to overload.
Especially during a period like Christmas, when so much comes together.
Not just cozy
The holidays are more than lights and dinners. They invite reflection and remembering. To feeling what is there — and what may be missing.
For those who are missing someone or something this year, there is often an extra layer beneath the surface. It doesn’t always need to be spoken aloud to be present.
This is exactly when your system asks for rest. For moments without input, without conversation, without a role to play. Not to shut down, but to come back to yourself.
Self-care
For many introverted and highly gifted people, silence is not emptiness, but recovery. In quiet, the brain gets the chance to process, integrate, and regulate. That is not a luxury or a weakness, but a necessary condition for staying present — with yourself and with others.
Silence does not mean withdrawing from connection. It means creating the conditions in which connection can remain possible.
What can help during this period?
Gentle, small adjustments can already make a big difference:
Plan recovery moments intentionally
Not only when you’re depleted, but in advance. Time alone, a walk, music — or simply nothing at all.
Lower social expectations
You don’t have to be everywhere, have an opinion about everything, or always be “on.”
Normalize pauses
Stepping outside, seeking silence, taking a break from conversation — that’s not withdrawal, but self-regulation.
Make space for what is
If Christmas feels different this year, it doesn’t need to be fixed. Sometimes acknowledging it is enough.
Listen to your body
Fatigue, irritability, or restlessness are not signs of failure, but signals that your system needs something.
In a world that values visible participation above all else, choosing rest can feel uncomfortable. Yet for many introverted and highly gifted people, it is exactly what’s needed to remain true to themselves.
For me, this Christmas means slowing down a little. Seeking silence more often. Not because I am shutting myself off, but because I want to stay connected to what is there — and to what is different this year. Perhaps that is the most honest gift I can give myself: space, without haste, at my own pace.